I always thought that I would never find anybody that I was comfortable enough to share my deep dark secret with. Often times the thought that came into my mind is “What will he think.” The fear of running him away, or him never talking to me again always plagued my mind, and held me back from what could have been serious relationships. Sounds familiar???
Psoriasis has played a role in almost every decision in my life, some how, some way. But it has especially played it’s part in my love life… Which now I realize was a GOOD thing… yes, a GOOD thing!
When I was younger I always dreamed of being the sexy chick that all the guys wanted. This was probably a symptom of low self-esteem at the time. But the kids at school made me wake up very quickly, and made me think that sex symbol was no where near a career option.
I was already awkwardly taller than everyone else, even the boys… and I had these big lips… but worst of all I had psoriasis. I was teased like every other child… Not to much about my psoriasis because I hid that as much as possible. But boys still didn’t really see me as the “it” girl. Oh, and when it came to sex? Totally out of the question! That would have meant showing my sorrows to another person, and I definitely could not have that!
I’ve had a relationship here and there, but nothing to serious. I have only told 3 guys about my psoriasis that I was interested in, and only “went there” with 2. And honestly they didn’t care, but I never really had the courage to take it there intimately because of this disease… (If you have personal questions inbox me)
That’s why I say that when it comes to love, psoriasis has been more of a good thing for me… Let me explain…
Not to say that I would have been a whore without psoriasis, because I do have values… But psoriasis forced me to find true love before I gave myself to a person. While some people I knew had meaningless sex, I was the one looking for someone who really cared about me.
I was at a conference not to long ago, and the subject of sex and psoriasis came up. Someone made a comment about having sex and hiding the fact that they have psoriasis… And just the other day a person said that they had sex in the dark, so the other person wouldn’t see their body… My question to you is, if you have to hide, and keep psoriasis as a secret to someone you are being intimate with… Do they really deserve that part of you?
With psoriasis it forced me to really have to get to know someone before being intimate, because if they couldn’t except the fact that I had this disease… Then they damn sure didn’t deserve to have my body! If a person can’t accept your psoriasis then they don’t deserve you!
I never thought I would find anyone to love me because of my psoriasis. I never thought I would be comfortable enough to show my body to someone and not feel ashamed… If I thought this disease was gross, how could someone else not think the same way and love me enough to see past it?
The point is, I have found someone to look past it, and it didn’t take much at all. I now realize that it’s mostly me holding myself back, not psoriasis.
Next up… On a Date with Psoriasis? http://beingmeinmyownskin.com/2012/03/09/on-a-date-with-psoriasis/